Funny Words Today

• Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I'm a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
  
  Sorry, I'm not tall enough to ride your emotional roller-coaster. 
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• My parents should be proud that I'm addicted to texting, sleeping, the Internet, and not drugs. 
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• Mirror: "You look cute today". Camera: "Lol, no". Instagram filters: "I got you" 
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• I love when my friends laugh is funnier than the joke.  
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• 3 weeks ago: single.. Last week: single... Next week: single.. Next year: single.. Next decade: single 
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• Dude… I was there, don’t try to change the story.